- Whistle the first seven notes of "It's a Small World" incessantly.

- Crack open your briefcase or purse, and while peering inside, ask: "Got enough air in there?"

- Stand silent and motionless in the corner, facing the wall, without getting off.

- When arriving at your floor, grunt and strain to yank the doors open, then act embarrassed when they open by themselves.

- Lean over to another passenger and whisper: "Noogie patrol coming!"

- Greet everyone getting on the elevator with a warm handshake and ask them to call you Admiral.

- On the highest floor, hold the door open and demand that it stay open until you hear the penny you dropped down the shaft go "plink" at the bottom.

- Stare, grinning, at another passenger for a while, and then announce: "I've got new socks on!"

- Walk on with a cooler that says "human head" on the side.

- Wear a puppet on your hand and use it to talk to the other passengers.

(from Jon Lynn, found at the World's Best Clean Humor site)

2 Nov 1999
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