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SPIRIT OF THE GAY CHRISTIAN COMMUNITY
Do we witness the Spirit of God? or the spirit of this age?


Why do some of us who are normally easy-going and welcoming turn seemingly rigid and closed when it comes to gay marriage in the church? Why do some of us want our denomination to discipline pastors who teach that same-sex partnerships can be morally equivalent to marriage? Why do some of our congregations feel they cannot be in full covenant relationships with congregations who bless same-sex partnerships? We tolerate diversity, so why not on this issue?

Part of the answer is a conviction that the Bible's testimony against homosexual behavior applies to all forms of same sex relationships -- even committed partnerships. (An article on this; also Willard Swartley's bibliography on this.) And we want our denomination to be a "people of the Book," ones who obey and uphold the authority of Scripture. The Word written as witness to the Word in Christ is to be taken with deepest seriousness.

But, again, why draw a line at this issue? Normally we leave room for persons who interpret the Bible differently from us -- for instance, on the issue of women in ministry. So why not with congregations who believe the Bible leads them to "bless monogamous relationships of same-sex couples"?

Here is the answer I would give. When I look at the gay Christian community, there is something I see (and I'm not referring to their same-sex behavior) that helps to remove the uncertainty and tentativeness from my interpretation of passages like Romans 1:26-27. This perception increases my certainty that the Bible's condemnation of same-sex intercourse applies to today's same-sex partnerships. And it increases my sense that this community will one day be seen as having limited themselves to only probationary participation in our church. This perception has had a huge impact on me.


SPIRIT OF THIS AGE

Permissive abortion, widespread adultery, easy divorce, radical feminism, and the gay and lesbian movement have not by accident appeared at the same historical moment. They have in common a declared desire for liberation from constraint--especially constraints associated with an allegedly oppressive culture and religious tradition. They also have in common the presuppositions that the body is little more than an instrument for the fulfillment of desire, and that the fulfillment of desire is the essence of the self.
--Ramsey Colloquium (group of Christian and Jewish scholars) in First Things, March 1994
Surely the gay Christian community chooses to counter the sexual revolution in significant ways. But I still see major accomodation to the spirit of this age in the gay Christian community. I'm not talking about where practice falls short of ideals -- all Christians fall and need grace there -- but where ideals themselves are dropped in a dynamic that is clearly contrary to the Spirit of God.


ABSENCE OF MONOGAMY

There are many indications that sexual exclusivity does not characterize even Christian gays in long-term committed relationships.

There is high incidence of promiscuity among gays in general (statistically it approaches 100% in some studies, even among those in long-term relationships). Christian heterosexuals do not do much better than nonChristians (there's not much difference between the rates of divorce, abortion, premarital sex rate for Christians and nonChristians). Should we assume Christian homosexuals do better?

How recently have we heard gay persons in the church talking about sexual exclusivity? Though their straight supporters talk about same-sex partnerships as monogamous, gays themselves rarely talk that way. Few (if any) Christian gay groups have publicly said that they hold each other to the standard of faithful monogamous relationships. The lesbian and gay concerns group in my denomination has not written any expectations of sexual exclusivity. Nor could they point me to any Christian gay/lesbian communities which had.

Ones who do speak on the subject tend to come out against it. For instance, Presbyterian minister Chris Glaser (well-respected leader in the Christian gay community; a devotional book of 365 readings from his writings has been published) says that fidelity does not mean being sexually exclusive, that fidelity really means only keeping your promises. Malcolm Macourt (early leader of the Lesbian and Gay Christian Movement in Britain) wrote that all of these alternatives are equally valid: monogamy and multiple partnerships; partnerships for life and partnerships for a period of mutual growth.

Another instance occurred on a denominational e-mail discussion group (MennoLink) in October 1998. A participant assumed that all could agree that "sexual intercourse is meant for two people in the context of a committed, covenanted, monogamous relationship." A gay who is active in our denomination responded: "I am unwilling to define this as God's universal purpose for sexual intercourse. Even the Bible tells of people (e.g., Elkanah, Samuel's father) who had more than one partner with integrity. While monogamous, committed, covenant relationships may reflect the dominant trajectory of biblical values, there is enough complexity there to prevent me from automatically judging negatively those who do not fit the pattern." He went on to try to distance himself from promiscuity, but he had also distanced himself from monogamy.

In the Fall of 1996 when I first began to wonder how strongly Christian gays valued monogamy, I gave some gays opportunity (via private e-mail) to correct my impression about this. They did not. This may have been because I chose the wrong way to talk with them (I've talked with many people on this). But it nonetheless added to my impression. Further conversations continued to add to it. One Christian gay who spoke unabashedly of his commitment to monogamy went on to tell me that the Dialogue newsletter mailed several times a year by the lesbian and gay group in my denomination (Brethren/Mennonite Council for Lesbian and Gay Concerns) cannot lift up the standard of monogamy because there are too many in the group who question the need for sexual exclusivity in committed relationships.

Some point out that when the church gathers around a gay or lesbian couple and honors their commitment to each other, the church can then encourage that relationship toward wholeness and faithfulness. But not if the couple themselves do not have monogamy as their goal or ideal. And it appears that the moral expectations of gay couples, even those who are Christians in long-term relationships, seldom include monogamy. Such a lack of sexual exclusivity is a glaring indication of the spirit of this age in same-sex partnerships.

The heterosexual Christian community does not have a laudable track record on monogamy either. But, whatever its percentage of lifelong monogamous partnerships, it is way above zero. All Christian heterosexual communities would say that monogamy is their standard, and seek to call and encourage one another toward this standard.

[Note: I am not intending to communicate that if monogamy is present in a same-sex partnership, that then it is wholesome and holy. The way we determine the rightness or wrongness of homosexual sex is by gathering around the Bible and reading and applying it with the Spirit's help. I am using the absence of monogamy (and, even more, the absence of a standard of monogamy) as a way of getting a reading of the general "spirit" of the gay Christian community.]


SUPPORT OF BISEXUALITY

Another mark of the dark spirit of this age within the Christian gay and lesbian community is their affirmation and support of bisexuality. They ask the church to broaden discussions of inclusion to involve persons who are bisexual.

The masthead of the BMC Dialogue newsletter says it is published "to increase support for gay, lesbian, and bisexual people." Almost by definition bisexuals are not monogamous. Christians support this?! When the gay Christian community works to support bisexuals, they are not being led by concerns of justice -- one cannot say that bisexuals are losing out on a basic human experience if they are denied same-sex intimacies. Their primary concern, rather, is a choice to participate in our culture's fixation on sex and material pleasure.

The Fall 1995 issue of Dialogue was devoted to bisexuality and included an article by a lesbian/bisexual entitled "Dancing with Souls." The Summer 1996 issue included this letter to the editor:

In the article "Dancing with Souls," one gets the impression that moving from one intimate relationship to another (whether heterosexual or lesbian) is accepted without question. The concept of developing a life-long commitment with one partner (gay or straight) seems strangely absent. Regretfully this only feeds into the impression that many of our church people have of the gay community as supporting promiscuity.
In this way, and in many other ways, the Christian gay community does not clearly repudiate our world's message that the fulfillment of physical desire is essential to meaningful life. They place the right of sexual expression very high; it is often a value equal to or above Scripture and Christian tradition.


HUGE IMPACT OF THIS PERCEPTION

These two marks of the spirit of this age in the gay Christian community have had a huge impact on me:

- If today's same-sex partnerships so seldom involve monogamy, it becomes easier to believe that Paul would include all gay relationships -- even today's same-sex partnerships -- in his mention of homosexual sex in Romans 1. And so I become increasingly certain that the Bible's condemnation of homosexual sex applies to all such relationships. If 95% (some gay researchers say 100%) of gay men who try to have a committed relationship are not able to maintain monogamy, am I really wise if I do not counsel them toward celibacy? Only if sexual activity is a highest-order value.

- If sexual exclusivity is not valued and honored by the gay Christian community, then they are clearly distancing themselves from accepted Christian values. And I become increasingly certain that this community is also precluding themselves from full participation in our denomination.

But what if my perception changes? Or what if a significant portion of the gay Christian community changes? What would happen if I would learn that the community of lesbians and gays who long for membership in my denomination are now committed to sexual exclusivity and do not support bisexuality?

This change would affect me greatly. I would still be personally convinced that homosexual sex is wrong because of my understanding of the Bible. But my degree of certainty would be less, and I would be much less vocal in my denomination.



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LACK OF MORAL CLARITY AMONG CHRISTIAN GAYS

    The book From Wounded Hearts compiles the stories of 50 gays, lesbians and others -- most with Mennonite connections. Katie Funk Wiebe gave a very sympathetic review in a church periodical, but also expressed concern at the lack of moral clarity in these stories.

    "The book is strong in showing that 'God loves me even though I'm gay.' I found it short on well-defined thinking and faith decisions about moral/ethical concerns -- the main obstacles to bringing together those who disagree on this issue.
    "I had hoped that more leaders in the Christian gay movement writing in this book would have been clearer on the difficult question of living morally and ethically as a gay person. ...
    "I didn't hear the writers state their ethical position loudly but left it to the editor to speak up.
    "Editor Kreider states that she does not advocate promiscuity of any kind. Nor does she make a case that partners in a 'mixed' marriage (heterosexual and homosexual) should separate, as some in the book chose to do.
    "Celibacy was an option for few writers. More often the argument is that 'I have to take care of myself'; 'It is unfair to deny my sexual needs', 'This is my right regardless of how this affects the whole of society or family and close friends.'"
--Mennonite Weekly Review (Jan 7, 1999).
    Many Christian gay men have felt justified in choosing to divorce their wives -- choosing fulfillment of their sexual nature over the fulfillment of a covenant to wife and family. For instance, in a denominational e-mail discussion group (MennoLink) in November 1997, a gay man who is very gentle and caring also presents himself as a helpless slave to his same-gender desires -- at great cost to his "best friend" and their marital covenant and children. I do not see within the Christian gay community an acknowledgement of the wrongness of allowing sexual identity and desire to trump all other values and identities.

CONTRAST BETWEEN GAYS AND EX-GAYS

    Here's an extended quote from Thomas E. Schmidt in his book Straight & Narrow (IVPress; 1995) page 158:

    "Compare stories. Consider the most articulate accounts of experience on each side of the moral debate. On one side, read the story of Mel White or Gary Comstock or Robert Williams, along with the prohomosexuality argument of experienced pastor/psychiatrist John McNeill. On the other side, read the story of Andrew Comiskey or Bob Davies or Jerry Arterburn, along with the argument for homosexual healing of experienced pastor/counselor Leanne Payne. At the very least, linger in a bookstore long enough to read the last two pages of each book.
    "Here you will have an 'apples and apples' comparison -- people long out of the closet alongside people long out of the lifestyle. . . . I submit that any sensitive reader, regardless of his or her position on the moral issue, will discover by reading these books in close sequence a marked difference not so much in the quality of the arguments -- leave those to the ivory tower types for the moment -- but in the qualities of the writers.
    "I will be more specific. In the first group of writers there is an unmistakable whine of victimization running through the narrative; in the second group there is an equally unmistakable psalm of release. The first group burns with rage; the second group glows with peace. In the first group the writer is invariably the hero; in the second group Jesus is invariably the hero. The first group openly proclaims the will to power, the spirit of self-actualization, the god of this age; the second group openly proclaims the will to serve, the Spirit of Jesus, the God of the age to come."
    The black community had Jackie Robinson and Martin Luther King and other individuals rise above the racism and hatred of society around them. Will the gay community?

SPIRITUAL DISCERNMENT IS HARD

    Often we think we discern signs of the activity of the Spirit of God in a person's life, only to learn later that the spirit of this age was polluting them in a major way. We as a church are woefully inept at judging the inner integrity of persons; I think of several men who were involved in extramarital affairs during years of strong ministry. We may need years to truly discern a person's spirit.
    Even when one has truly discerned that the Spirit is present, it is hard to be sure one is drawing valid conclusions from that fact. There are so many complexities. For instance, accounts of the outpouring of the Spirit on gays and lesbians in same-sex partnerships need to grapple with whether the experience shows God's approval of the lifestyle or just God's grace to them as persons. (Did the Spirit falling on Cornelius in Acts 10 show God's approval of his occupation as centurion?) Premarital and extramarital heterosexual relationships can involve much love and spiritual growth and yet nonetheless be wrong.
    Considering the difficulty in trying to draw conclusions about the Spirit's presence or absence, this quote is very appropriate:

It may well be that the church will, over time, change its position on the question of blessing homosexual marriages. But for the church to do so in the space of 10 or 20 years, in the immediate aftermath of a large-scale "sexual revolution" in Western culture, is a bad idea.
--John Roth, The Mennonite, January 19, 1999

CHURCH WITH COMPASSION ... AND BOUNDARIES

    Let us never focus on condemning noncelibate gays and lesbians. My denomination has been reframing the issue from "who can be members of our congregations?" to "what can credentialed congregational leaders teach?" In so doing, we are taking the focus of church discipline off the gays and lesbians. Yes, they make the choice to act out their same-sex inclination, so they bear responsibility. But their choice was also highly influenced by modern culture and by teaching in the church which told them their choice was acceptable. So it's appropriate that the brunt of the discipline would fall on the credentialed leaders, not on the gays or lesbians themselves.
    We do not need to say that churches cannot have deep relationships with noncelibate homosexuals; there must be considerable space for pastoral compassion. Congregations all the time receive sinners as members because they discern those sinners moving toward Christ. We must focus most of our attention on the center (on following Jesus) rather than on boundary maintenance.
    In the end, though, there must be some boundaries drawn. And that seldom feels like compassion. I don't know how to get around that. Those who try to get around the need for boundaries seem to me to be confusing compassion with relativism. Gays and lesbians can feel our compassion even while we are asserting boundaries if we focus on transformation rather than on condemnation. As Willard Swartley comments: "...when Jesus relates to and accepts the marginalized he offers transformation and healing, so that the person is not only accepted, but changed" (Homosexuality: Biblical Interpretation and Moral Discernment [Herald Press 2003] p96).
    We do need to make statements on what church leaders are to teach. If homosexuality is a firm point of our faith (this web page explains why it is to me), we will remove the ministerial credentials of a pastor who teaches the holiness of homosexual sex. Decredentialling can be a mechanism for boundary tending.




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